Back in Jamaica!
Hey there!
So I have a sad blog to write. I have been emotional all summer and everytime i thought about returning to Jamaica I would cry. I've reached a point in my missionary career where I just don't want to be away from home anymore. I love my family and friends and church SOOO much, and I miss them like crazy. This summer was overwhelming and since being back here in Jamaica I am struggling alot with what I should do about this overwhelming desire to be at home.
My dreams have changed. I no longer want to live abroad and do missionary work. My desire at this time is to be with the people I love the most and who are the closest to me.
I will always have a heart for missions, but I am no longer one to serve abroad full time. I can't do it.
I'm really trying to hear God and figure out what I should do this year. Please pray for me. If I go home, will I be giving up a great opportunity and experience? But if I stay here, I will never be able to get back the time wiht my loved ones that I lost this year.
What is more important?This opportunity or family and friends. Isn't life all about relationships and love??? I do love the children here, but I don't want to only be half hearted when I teach. If my mind and heart are at home then is it worth it for me to teach?
I don't want to let my emotions lead me. I need to be wise and make a proper decision. So i'm trying to figure out if I'll really regret going home or not. I've just reached a level in my relationship wiht my family where I don't want ot be away from them. Should I stay, and miss the birth of another neice/nephew? Or do i need to be thinking about my future as a teacher? But does it really matter if I stay here and teach? will that make that much of a difference in my career as a teacher?
Sometimes I wish that God would make all of the tough decisions for me. I really feel like this is my decision to make and that God is pleased with me either way.
As you can see I've been doing alot of thinking and praying. I would appreciate input! I Miss EVERYONE!!! Mom, Dad, sisters, brother in law, nephew, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, ....everyone! I love you and i miss you. I don't want to lose time with you that I will never get back.
Or do I need to be strong and fight these emotions and just do it?!?!
Love you and Blessings!
I know that I will get through this rough time!
posted by Kristen S @ 8:38 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
An excerpt from my thesis.
Normally the problem people are facing is not in making the decision itself, but more trying to move past the fear of making a wrong choice. If you have them imagine the best and the worst outcomes, scripting the different scenarios for each situation to help weigh out the advantages/disadvantages also emphasize that there truly are no wrong choices, only different paths.
We can't know what all the future holds for us. There are no guarantees. As much as I have struggled with making decisions in my life I am very happy that I have had so many choices offered to me. Yes, I've made some poor choices, but along with those choices came challenges and opportunities that I would not have experienced otherwise. For this reason I do not believe there are wrong or right choices. Whatever decisions we make, they will ultimately thrust us into life situations (both positive and negative). As the opportunities being gifted to us unfold in our lifes we will grow our spirits. And in my humble opinion, spiritual growth was likely the grander plan anyhow.
From Staci's University Thesis
Kristen - go with your feelings - the choice is yours to make and your alone.
Hey K ...
Reading your post and feeling for you. I've found over the years that making these kinds of choices in the midst of deep emotional times is not ideal. Give it some time back in Jamaica - a month or two - and then re-evaluate.
There is a cost in mission work - without a doubt, but I know you, and you are able in His strength if you need to be.
Can I recommend that you track down a copy of the biography of Hudson Taylor and give it a read before you decide?
Let me know if you can't find it and I'll track one down for you.
Peace my friend ...
::dan::
Hey...my input:
i think you should stay there this year and take the opportunity to do what you always dreamed of for another year. you'll also be able to really exercise what you told me about wanting to go to university and become a teacher...congrats, you'd get to try out your profession for a year if that's what you decide. whatever you decide i guess you have to try to do it as a saved and commissioned follower of Christ as we all must do.
cheers
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